The Toothpaste

My housemate has had some dental work done recently. Never one to pass up posh, free toothpaste samples, he grabbed a couple from our dentist. This morning, he was feeling a bit “L’oreal, I’m worth it” and cracked open one of these sample tubes. The stuff inside was unlike any toothpaste either of us had ever seen…

FLESH COLOURED TOOTHPASTE. Who thought that was a good idea? Yeah. Weird. He squirted some on his toothbrush.
The next two minutes were very amusing (for me).

I watched my manly-bearded, 6’3″ housemate wince, whimper, and stamp his feet as he brushed. He nearly threw up after. He gargled Listerine as if it would save his life. He continued to vocalise grunts and grumbles for the next minute or two. There was only one thing I could do… I put some of this devil’s paste on my own toothbrush. Suffer alone? No, I wouldn’t let that happen to Pete. I’m up for the challenge.

The taste of this stuff is unpleasant, truly, but not unlike something I remember from a long time ago… See, I’ve not always been the moneybags high-roller you see before you. Nope, I’ve had hard times. I remember long ago, when running out of toothpaste happened every so often and I’d resort to that very old fashioned formula of baking soda to clean my teeth. That’s the taste of this fleshy toothpukepaste- baking soda and salt (with a hint of minty aftertaste).

I laughed constantly as I brushed my teeth. Pete kept asking what was so funny. I laughed more. Finally, after a sufficient time scrubbing away, I rinsed and mentioned, that yes, it’s not a nice flavour, but a familiar one to me. He’s never brushed his teeth with bicarbonate of soda. I can only imagine the gagging, grumbling, dance he’d do if he would.

Me? I don’t mind the toothpaste sample, but I’d never buy it, not just because it looks like human clay, but it’s formulated for bleeding gums and I’m all good on that front.

I would, however, pay money to watch my manly housemate whimper and gag like a child again. That was tremendously amusing (for me).

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