Nearly a month since my last post

What a bad blogger I’ve been.

So, what have you been up to Jen? Oh, goodness me…

Mental healthcare update: I’m waiting. I received a letter saying that because I don’t live conveniently near the specialist ADHD clinic in Bristol, that my referral is now dependent on The Commissioning Manager of Cornwall CCG and their written funding approval. So, they won’t see me unless someone in the NHS agrees to pay. I have no further update at this time on whether my referral funding is happening. But that’s fine for now, as I’ve got plenty of other stuff I’m thinking about and I really don’t want to devote the brain processes to worry and uncertainty.

Open Studios Cornwall 2014 update: While I didn’t participate officially (due to not having £100 spare to get into the catalogue for the event), I did piggyback onto the nine day event. I opened my studios every day from 11-4pm to whomever passed by and saw my road sign. I met a lot of people, sold some work, and painted rather productively from the 24th of May till the 1st of June. I did have Wednesday off to model for life drawing class, but other than that, I was available and painting. I learned a lot about my work discipline, my own thoughts about my work, and my career goals. I have some changes to make in the coming months to put my art career first, and although most would think it already is first, I assure you that there is some streamlining to do in my work life. More on that soon, but suffice it to say that Open Studios has sharpened my vision and given me a needed push.

Physical health and depression: I’m too fat and too unhappy is the easy way to put it, but the longer update is that I am about ten pounds overweight and it’s not coming off. Depression is no help, as I have terrible sleep issues right now and the exhaustion and low mood prevent me from doing much physically. I had a long chat with Pete at lunch about stuff and we’re both in the same boat. We both have rowing machines, so that’s the plan. He did an hour on his today. I have some catching up to do. Dropping weight will make me feel better about myself and it’s widely known that exercise helps to relieve depression. It’s now up to us. It always has been, but at least we’re out of that gawd-awful winter and spring that felt like a black blanket wrapped around us. It’s hard to pick yourself up after such long, hard, lows, but pick up I must. Also, my butt is too big for my shorts, so you know, that.

I realised something in speaking with visitors to my studio over the last week or so: although I’m now a represented artist, I feel no different. I didn’t expect to feel like a rock star, but I’m still that same, struggling artist who can’t afford to contribute to the bills of the house properly, couldn’t afford to live on her own (if I had to), and although I have respect from my peers, students, and friends, I’m still nowhere near where I want to be with my career.
This is changing. I am making change to push myself to the next level. I’m chopping back activities and am putting my full attention on my art, my career. I’ll talk more about this soon.

It’s a rainy afternoon and I am clear in my vision but completely lost in what to do first. After I hit publish, I’m opening an outline document and making a map. Oh- maybe I’ll make a mind map first on paper… Whatever I do, it’s the beginning of a business plan, a life plan, a new and improved me. Fuck it, it’s 2014 and I’m not going to let it slip by without making my mark. Time to get to work.

2 thoughts on “Nearly a month since my last post”

  1. Try yoga for the health – physical and mental. Works a treat from personal experience.

  2. Hi Mark-

    Interesting you mention yoga- I was nearly obsessive about it from the late 90s to mid 2000s, fell out of the practice, then began again a year or two ago – even leading a local yoga group part-time.

    Yoga is great, and I love it, but in depression I find that even things I love don’t matter and that finding energy to do more than necessary for daily survival is difficult.

    Yoga will enter my life again – it always does.
    Namaste 🙂

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