Hard day

It’s been a day I’d rather not talk about, honestly. The depression has been horrible. I’ll admit to wanting to be dead today. I am not a quitter, and I am not suicidal, but things would’ve felt so much better if I could’ve just slipped away into the abyss tugging at my legs. My despair today was near the levels I experienced in the months following the death of my mom. The weight I feel is heavy. So heavy.

I have the bravest friends and loved ones on the planet, and I thank you. You keep me afloat when all I feel is a body full of emotional concrete.

I’m at a point now where I’m listening to music, have chosen a bottle of very nice Cab-Sauv and a tub of Cheeselets for dinner. I’m hiding in my cave/office and doing little organisational tasks which make me feel a little better about the chaos I have swirling in my brain and surroundings. I oscillate wildly between tears and calm, unfeeling deadness.

I am broken and broke, but my life is not a bad one. I’m working to change my stars, one shimmer at a time.

8 thoughts on “Hard day”

  1. Jen, you write so beautifully and bravely about what you are going through. Keep on going… Also to let you know that your picture is now framed and on the wall, and looks gorgeous. You are so talented.

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