I’m upright and marginally awake after possibly the worst bout of insomnia I’ve had in months. I went to bed at 10:30PM – tired and presumably relaxed – read some history for a few minutes and then turned out the light. I should’ve known something was up… the skies were an unusual and heavy orangey-grey and everything about the atmosphere felt as though you were in for either a fire evacuation or an alien abduction. (One of those is more likely than the other, wouldn’t you say?) I didn’t close the drapes because it wouldn’t have mattered; I knew that sky was still there, its fingers in the cracks between fabric panels, teasing me with its ominous presence.
If that sounds a bit overly dramatic, it is, kind of. When you’ve spent hours trying to stitch together a series of lucid naps into a night of sleep (without noticeably hitting REM at all) you think up these sorts of weird nightmare ingredients to your situation. At least I do and I don’t want to- they just happen. This is why I didn’t bother to try sleeping on the couch- the big oppressive sky would’ve been there too. The window in the living room is massive. At one point I did brave the spooky shadows in the flat for some toast and juice distraction at… at… crap. I don’t remember what time.
The snack did not break the spell I was under. Finally, I found myself peering at the clock at 8:30AM and thinking that the last time I looked at its numbers was 4:34AM. This would have to do. By 9AM I was up. Here I am now, trying to shake off the bad experiences of the night. The kettle has been boiled. I have one meeting today and that’s my only obligation. Fortunately, it’s one I want to keep or else I’d reschedule. Pardon my eyebags, dahling – you wouldn’t believe the night I’ve had.
The title of this post was originally referring to summer. Now it refers to sleep. In a way they’re similar: summer has made a sporadic and unpredictable appearance throughout these past few months (Is it just Britain, or the rest of the world too?) and the sleep I needed gifted me with irregular intervals of pseudo-unconsciousness between new sets of numbers on the bedside clock.
Sleep and summer. Summer and sleep. Both a bit of a letdown this morning.
I should note that I feel pretty good spirit-wise today, despite the overall tone that may be interpreted from the above post. I’m just tired.