I’m trying

I’m trying to get up the courage to call the doctor.
I wish I didn’t feel this sort of semi-embarrassment that I feel about going to the GP regarding my brain.
I don’t want to tell him about it. I don’t want to give him the names and numbers of the mental health clinic that I saw in the US so he can obtain my records. I don’t want to admit to a person all of my mental health flaws and then get told to make an appointment with another doctor only to have to spill them all over again to another stranger. NHS protocol tells me that I go to a GP first, then, if the GP can’t fix what ails you, they send you to someone else. I understand this to be a fair and reasonable practise, but when it comes to mental health I just find it an embarrassing obstacle. I don’t like to admit to myself that my brain is flawed, let alone want to tell a gaggle of different doctors who don’t even know me about it. I’d rather parade naked in front of them all than divulge that I have something wrong inside my head and need help for it. I went through all this in the US. That was hard enough.

I wouldn’t get rid of my ADD, but I don’t like the impersonal nature of this process.

I think I’m stalling. I should pick up the phone.

I’m going to look the protocol for mental health issues and the NHS up online first. Maybe there is another way…

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10 thoughts on “I’m trying”

  1. Heya Jen,

    For what it’s worth, it’s electricity and chemicals, and how they interact isn’t your fault, any more than the colour of your eyes. The doctors know this, and if they have any regard for their Hippocratic oath, they’re not judging you.

    Good luck with it all.


  2. Thanks Matt.

    I guess part of the problem is going over it all again to a new set of doctors. It was emotional and insightful enough the first time around… not something I really want to go through again.

    I’ve had a cry, and now am cleaning myself up to walk up to the clinic to make an appointment. I know I could do it by phone, but there is something almost symbolic about walking through that first door.

  3. Hope things go well at the clinic. I have never seen my GP, don’t even know they are a man or a woman, so I guess I would have the same reticence if I had to start discussing things.



  4. Oh, I know it…

    Update: I managed a walk up to the GP. I have a Monday morning appointment.

    I am forcing myself to be productive today, in a sort of hyper-focus/OCD way. 😉

  5. ADD/ADHD and especially Adult ADD/ADHD is one thing that most doctors here in the UK “don’t believe in”. The whole process can be very upsetting. Even if you do get reffered to a mental health clinic, they most likely won’t recognise the ADD/ADHD. In this country you must persist with what you want when it comes to healthcare.

    On the plus side, there is ONE, and I mean ONLY one in all of the UK, clinic who deals with ADD and ADHD – it’s at Maudsley hospital near Kings College in London. You will have to be assessed first, but they do offer treatment. Most GPs will not prescribe medications for ADHD/ADD without a definitive diagnosis. I have been on Concerta (time released ritalin. I used to self-medicate and compensate with caffiene, but this is better) since last year and the amazing help it has been with my ADHD is phenomenal – even to the point that my partner can tell if I missed a dose – I drop food on me while eating if I have.

    Luckily, my ex is a GP, and helped me through the process. I can recommend some GREAT books for you and your partner as well.

    Ask for a referral to Maudsley – you won’t regret it.

    Give me a shout if you need any help and advice.

  6. Hi Geneva!
    Eek- it’s disheartening to hear about the lack of treatment options. I will be persistent though.
    When I went through this crap in the US, they tried me on Concerta (amongst other things) but Adderall XR seems to do it for me. The doctors even gave me a ‘booster’ med to take (low-dose generic amphetamine salts) if I had to work late, give speeches, or attend meetings in the evenings. (Was involved with a geek club for many years as well as a really life-consuming job.)

    I have my doctor’s info, old pill bottles, and your advice. I should be all right, I hope.

    I’ll look up Maudsley – thanks for the tip!

  7. @Geneva: My doctor prescribed me the generic amphetamine salts at a 5mg dosage. That gave me the flexibility of taking one or two at that magic 4PM mark. I rarely took two, as the little baby dose was enough to keep me clear until after dinner, which is when I’d start winding down anyway. It was perfect for working late or for the evening activities I was a part of.
    (For trivial background information: my Adderall XR dose was perfect at 20mg per day. The boosters were not used often, but effective when I needed them.)

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