I’m trying to get up the courage to call the doctor.
I wish I didn’t feel this sort of semi-embarrassment that I feel about going to the GP regarding my brain.
I don’t want to tell him about it. I don’t want to give him the names and numbers of the mental health clinic that I saw in the US so he can obtain my records. I don’t want to admit to a person all of my mental health flaws and then get told to make an appointment with another doctor only to have to spill them all over again to another stranger. NHS protocol tells me that I go to a GP first, then, if the GP can’t fix what ails you, they send you to someone else. I understand this to be a fair and reasonable practise, but when it comes to mental health I just find it an embarrassing obstacle. I don’t like to admit to myself that my brain is flawed, let alone want to tell a gaggle of different doctors who don’t even know me about it. I’d rather parade naked in front of them all than divulge that I have something wrong inside my head and need help for it. I went through all this in the US. That was hard enough.
I wouldn’t get rid of my ADD, but I don’t like the impersonal nature of this process.
I think I’m stalling. I should pick up the phone.
I’m going to look the protocol for mental health issues and the NHS up online first. Maybe there is another way…