Even in the UK, I suck at bowling.

Ticky ticka ticky ticka ticka tap
Ticky ticka ticky ticka ticka ticky ticka ticky ticka ticka tap
Ticky ticka ticky ticka ticka ticka ticka tap

86 cents of returning bowling ballThat’s the sound of two girls on chat arranging to go bowling. Sam and I met up outside the flats and walked downtown to spend too much cash on tenpin bowling and American atmosphere. As an expat, I felt it my duty to research and compare UK Tenpin to US Bowling.

The UK version of a bowling alley is very similar to an American joint, but more like a movie set parody of one. I’ve never been in a bowling alley that seemed so much like an amusement park! It was garish, loud, expensive, and almost trying too hard. Maybe I’ve only been in small/medium-sized US bowling alleys, but this was nearly circus-like. (My apologies for not having any good pictures of the wackiness. I only had my phone and rubbish lighting.)
Sam watches.

Wanna know what two games of bowling costs one person in Maidenhead?
¬£9.50, shoes included. That’s (checks today’s exchange rate…) $17.25 USD!!!
Did you catch that?

— $17.25 —
I shit you not.

It’s outrageous, but we had a good time. We are both really bad at bowling. Gutter balls and single dead pins were common. There were teasing glimmers of prowess when the odd Strike happened, but all in all, we blow at bowling. If it wasn’t so fun, it would possibly be the worst investment I’ve ever made.

After some hardcore bad tenpin, we wandered the land, settling in the park for chat and snacks. Sam and I made plans to attempt some sort of fitness routine but you can bet your sweet, chubby ass it won’t involve bowling, at least not until we each have a sugardaddy to fund our gutter balls.

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8 thoughts on “Even in the UK, I suck at bowling.”

  1. The trick is to buy your books in Canada and sell them to the bowling center owner.

    That way the exchange rates cancel.

  2. Jodi: no- I find I’m not so good with shots in my old age! 😉 Besides that, it was so hot and sticky all day, even in the bowling alley, that juice and water were necessary. I’m not sure any elixir could’ve helped my technique anyway! lol

    john: Excellent tip. I’ll see what kind of brokerage I can achieve next time. I wonder if they’d appreciate an old Bob and Doug McKenzie album in the deal…

  3. Sorry. You obviously have inherited the” bad bowler” gene that tends to run in this family. It’s the one that is tightly attached to the “I really couldn’t care less about getting good at this” gene!

  4. Hi Richard-

    Yeah, the cinema in Maidenhead is a rip-off compared to other areas too. I could only guess that tenpin is much cheaper in the surrounding towns. It’s obscene how much folks in Maidenhead are willing to pay for things.

    As far as neon and blacklight bowling, in America they usually call that Glo-Bowling or some other silly name. Unfortunately, low lighting does nothing to improve my game… 😉

  5. Hey! our asses are not chubby, they are merely… ample.

    Good times. I’m going again friday I think! What are the odds? Slim to none, that’s what.


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