I am so unnaturally round right now

In case you wondered where all my body heat went, it went to my gut to offer succor during the digestion war raging mercilessly in my tum-tum. I’m so bloated that I actually made a tasteless joke about beaching myself in The Thames… (disclaimer: I felt as bad for the whale as anyone, so get off my back about it. 😉 )

Anyway, the foods haven’t been out of the ordinary, nor have the quantities. I just seem to have gone all weather-balloon shaped between the upper and lower naughty bits. Dinner did me in. It’s freaky and for a minute I even caressed my bulbous girth as if I were with child. (This, for those new here, can never possibly happen.) I can only imagine that the hideous gas bubbles and demolition blasts of digestion are akin to what it must feel like to have a little squidsy growing in there. Fortunately, my gravy-laced ‘pregnancy’ will pass and I should return to a sensible size again. In the meantime, I’m gonna have to put some more layers on – I’m chilly!

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