Smoothies and the elixir of the underworld

Today’s discovery: Don’t give up on the simple smoothie concoction halfway through just because it smells like the devil’s nutsack.

Here’s the recipe I made up today, and believe me it’s delicious, just do yourself a favour and don’t smell it before you finish the process.

1 – 410g tin of peaches in juice (dump the juice in too)
2 – frozen and peeled med/large bananas
(now the parts I didn’t really measure…)
perhaps around a cup of cold, sweetened soy milk
around the same amount of cold orange juice

Makes around 5 cups and adjust the soy milk and OJ to taste/consistency. (Add soy with caution as it can make a smoothie go bland quickly.)

Sounds harmless enough, right?
Well, blend the fruit up first before adding the soy or OJ. Avoid smelling the mix. Add the soy milk. Blend. Absolutely avoid smelling the mix. Pretend you’re the first cop at a two day old murder scene- don’t inhale. OK, perhaps that’s dramatic and a bit of an exaggeration, but I promise, that blend won’t smell right until you add some orange juice. Trust me on this. ( is not responsible for any damage to your olfactory or respiratory systems. Actually, I’m not responsible for anything you do. Go on then, smell it. I dare you.)

After you blend in the OJ, things are thick and tasty looking and the sludge wrung from Satan’s testicles transforms into a frothy, tasty and truly enjoyable smoothie. I’ve just learned today that the road to good recipes is paved with unpleasantness at times, but stick with it. With simple ingredients, little can honestly go wrong that can’t be treated back to an appealing state with more simple ingredients.

I’m not saying you can’t fuck up a smoothie, and some will taste better than others, but with caution and common sense, I think it must be difficult to truly render a mix undrinkable. It is fruit for Pete’s sake.


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