Apr

12

Free stuff and I don’t really care why you need it

Filed Under irregular, tout le fromage | 2 Comments

First let me say: I love Freecycle. I’ve offloaded several things that we no longer needed, plus I always find the digest emails entertaining.

Earlier this evening I gave away a perfectly good — less than one year old — vacuum cleaner. I also briefly stated my reason for getting rid of it, just so people would know that it wasn’t defective in some way. (If you’re dying to know yourself, we upgraded to a machine that also washes carpets. It’s absolutely THE shit and has raised the bar against which I will measure all future vacuuming machines.)

Begin the crazy.

So, Freecycle is kind of a first-come idea. I get an email and respond with something like, “You’re first. Let’s pick a time for you to come get the item.” Seems simple enough, no?
I think some (or most) respondents must believe the best story wins the item.
No, no, no— I do not need to know about your current vacuum cleaner. I do not need to know that you need a vacuum cleaner (that would seem evident by the answering of the ad). I do not need to know how abnormally hairy your house is due to [fill in blank here]. I don’t need to know how many kids you have. Or that you just moved to the area. And really, I don’t need to know that “the council has ordered [anonymous family member here] to put in carpet.” Far too much information, people.

Anyway, point is, I don’t care why you need a vacuum cleaner. I’m guessing you need to suck up some dirt and that’s honestly enough for me, entertaining as the emails have been.
Freecycle mentality is a strange thing.

So now I’m thinking about putting an old electric Shiatsu massage machine up for grabs just for the entertainment value of the emails. I’m already imagining the stories I’ll hear to claim it: ‘I fell off a horse ten years ago and ever since I get the occasional neck pain.’ ‘My aunt lives with us and we are tired of rubbing her neck for her…’ ‘I was curious what other uses it might have- can I use it on my feet? How about my dog?’
Oh! the possibilities! :D
If you want to read some funny, hand-picked Freecycle ads without signing up to your local Yahoo Group, check out FreecycleGems. There’s some real entertainment value there.

Technorati Tags: , , ,

Apr

2

advice from the Manual of Useful Information, 1894

Filed Under irregular, tout le fromage | Leave a Comment

reLR_6046.jpg
I found The Working Teachers’ Library Manual of Useful Information - The Werner Series in a second-hand and antiques shop in Janesville, Wisconsin. The book was copyrighted by The Werner Company, Chicago in 1893 and the title page is dated 1894. The information contained in this little desk reference is fascinating. Every so many posts, I’ll share a bit from this quirky little book. I hope you enjoy the language, advice, and information as much as I do.

The first portion I’m sharing is actually the last paragraph in the book:

PARTING  COUNSELS.
Keep good company or none. Never be idle. If your hands cannot be usefully employed, attend to the cultivation of your mind. Always speak the truth. Make few promises. Live up to your engagements. Keep your own secrets, if you have any. When you speak to a person look him in the face. Good company and good conversation are the very sinews of virtue. Good character is above all things else. Your character cannot be essentially injured except by your own acts. If one speak evil of you, let your life be such that none will believe them. Drink no kind of intoxicating liquors. Always live, misfortune excepted, within your income. When you retire to bed, think over what you have been doing during the day. Make no haste to be rich if you would prosper. Small and steady gains give competency with tranquility of mind. Never play at any kind of game of chance. Avoid temptation through fear that you may not be able to withstand it. Never run into debt, unless you see a way to get out again. Never borrow if you can possibly avoid it. Never speak evil of any one. Be just before you are generous. Keep yourself innocent if you would be happy. Save when you are young to spend when you are old. Never think that which you do for religion is time or money mispent. Read some portion of your Bible every day. Often think of death, and your accountability to God, your creator.

There is a lot of sound stuff in the above words. Funny how a book over a hundred years old can remind us of things we too commonly forget. Like some kind of printed time capsule, there is plenty to share in the rest of the book’s 460 pages, so be on the lookout here for passages about illness and treatments, statistics, social situations, history, and much more.

Technorati Tags: , , , ,

Mar

26

Money for nothing?

Filed Under irregular, tout le fromage | 4 Comments

Dude— erm, you smell, common.

Now you can smell just like that person you try not to stand or sit next to on the train.
Behold! Fragrances that tap into the scent of bubblegum and cigarettes, blood and sperm, and liqueur brandy.

Yes, seriously.

What happened to fragrances to elevate the spirit and/or status of the person wearing them? What happened to just wanting to smell nice?
Clearly that isn’t edgy enough these days. Why smell of citrus notes or floral breezes when you can mist yourself with cold tobacco and hints of Britney Spears underpants.

Get your essence of last night’s party exclusively at Harvey Nichols (UK).

[Original lead for this story came from a StumbleUpon link.]

Technorati Tags: , , ,

Mar

7

a contender for the worst idea ever

Filed Under irregular, tout le fromage | 5 Comments

Neil needed white board markers (and I never need an excuse to go to the office supply store) so we took our lunch break field trip style and headed to the nearest Staples. Markers in hand, a couple of report covers for me, and a new Moleskine sketchbook for Neil later, we headed to the tills and noticed this ridiculous display near the front of the store.

reLR_Easy.jpg

The instructions on the back of the packaging say:

Now there’s an Easy Button™ for your business.
At Staples®, our goal is to take some of the “work” out of your workday. So we invented the Easy Button™. Just follow these steps to make your day a little easier:
Step 1. Identify a difficult situation.
Step 2. Press your Easy Button™.
Step 3. Listen to the reassuring message.
Step 4. Smile and get on with your day.
Step 5. Repeat as necessary.

Seriously. That’s what it says. I pressed the button but couldn’t understand what the cheap recorded voice said, which of course made me feel instantly ‘reassured’. One would guess that if I need a big red button to keep me from going over the edge, that I should at the very least be able to decipher if it’s telling me to put down my guns or not.
I’ve got a better idea for the Easy Button: Allow you to record a custom message. Imagine the morale boost and office laughter with “you’re a twat” or quotes from Office Space on your desk.

When I was in school for my Industrial Design degree, one of my instructors drove home the single most important lesson I learned there: “It took someone to design that.” And by that, of course he meant everything. Every notch, bevel, button, and smooth surface requires thought. Absolutely nothing is manufactured without design and consideration.

That said, who approved the Easy Button™?

Technorati Tags: , ,

Feb

21

Sweet, cryptic spam

Filed Under irregular, tout le fromage | Leave a Comment

sweetspam

The above was spotted in the Akismet spam messages. I thought it was too good to delete without just a little love.
The screenshot is from my Twitter page (as you probably guessed).

Jan

7

No, for real

Filed Under irregular, tout le fromage | 1 Comment

Meatpaper.

Meatpaper is a print magazine of art and ideas about meat. We like metaphors more than marinating tips. We are your journal of meat culture.

I am both morbidly fascinated and completely disgusted with this creation.

Please pass the tofu…

Technorati Tags: , , ,

Dec

23

Please tell me less in your hotel review

Filed Under irregular, tout le fromage | Leave a Comment

As read in the user comments review section of a resort I’m looking at:

“I RECENTLY STAYED AT CHRISTMAS VILLAGE..AND REALLY ENJOYED MYSELF.
MY HUSBAND AND I SPENT THE WEEKEND ALONE AND DISCOVERED EACH OTHER AGAIN.”

Eeek. Thankfully, she didn’t go on to describe the bed. Telling about breakfast or the pool would have been helpful though.

And this one a few users down was just so funny (especially when read aloud in a rather excited Truman Capote-ish voice):

“I WAS BROWSING THEIR WEB SITE SINCE WE ARE GOING TO STAY THERE THIS WEEKEND. I CALLED TO MAKE SURE THEY HAVE WIFI AND WAS SHOCKED TO LEARN THEY DO NOT HAVE WIFI.

I CALLED TO TRY AND BOOK HORSE BACK RIDING WHICH IS ADVERTISED ON THEIR WEBSITE ONLY TO LEARN THAT THEY NO LONGER HAVE STABLES OR RIDING THERE. THEY APOLOGIZED FOR THEIR WEBSITE BEING OUT OF DATE.

I HAVE NOT EVEN STAYED THERE AND AM ALREADY DISAPPOINTED.”

Seriously, read it out loud in a freaky monotone voice. Funny stuff. And, you kind of get the impression that they’re going to stay there just to be able to complain a bit more— like a follow-up to their pre-stay complaints. Tee hee.

This is why there will always be a market for proper travel websites and guidebooks. (Not to mention, the pros know how to turn off caps lock.)

Technorati Tags: , ,

Aug

2

This is for you, Mom

Filed Under irregular, tout le fromage | 8 Comments

You always try to get me to wear colour…

reDSC00027.jpg

This is not a look I would normally wear, but I am surprisingly comfortable today. The rock-bottom prices at a local clearance sale hypnotised me.

Tomorrow, I may have to detox with a nice black shirt and some jeans that were cool about five years ago…

And no, I’m not investing in flip-flops unless they’re for by the pool on holiday.
I have limits.

Technorati Tags: ,

Next Page →