Reality is hard

Ugh! No wonder I’ve felt ultra-scatterbrained, anxious, and nauseous today- I forgot to take my ADHD medicine. The difference between on and off medicine is so painfully (literally and figuratively) extreme. Took it with lunch though, just after noticing the Thursday slot on my pill pot was suspiciously still occupied…

It’s tempting to think that just because you’re feeling OK – as in, fairly with it and together – that maybe you can go off your meds, but then I get a day like this where I forget my medication and *WHOA* the reality check is harsh. Despite that, it doesn’t ever stop my fairytale optimism that one day I’ll wake up and be OK. I know better, but I think everyone with a mental illness has a deep want for an even fractionally more normal brain function. My mom went on and off medication for her severe bipolar for decades, and although she knew darn well that she wasn’t ever going to be OK, it’s tough to not be sick of taking pills every day to achieve a level of “normal.”

It’s been about an hour since I had a brief but tearful, nauseous, anxious breakdown during lunch. My pill is working its magic and every one of my symptoms is fading. The fact that I can write this is a positive step in levelling out. My backache is easing, my nausea is waning, my eyes aren’t darting like I’m living in a flip book.

Time for a cup of tea, then to start my day again.