Ha ha bullshit

I just got off the phone with a chap from something he called the Facebook Artist’s Campaign. It was a cold call from a London number and he started off with, “Oh hi! Is this Jen? Jen Dixon? I’m Derek Charles and I’m on your website right now, and I have to say, I’m a big fan of your work.”

(He had not yet mentioned Facebook…)

“Thank you. What can I do for you?”
“I’m with the Facebook Artist’s Campaign…” and this is where he lost all credibility in my book and I started to listen for the inevitable bullshit in his script.

Turns out, they want to build me a Facebook artist page, email collectors and invite collectors to my page (the Facebook one). I told him how insignificant FB is in my life and that I’m looking to nail that coffin shut completely. He kind of ignored that and kept talking over me.
That’s just rude.
I then told him I’m a former web dev and that the numbers and traffic quality I could reach through Facebook wasn’t worth it for me. That’s when he said, “But we’re talking WORLDWIDE. Facebook is WORLDWIDE.”
“You may have noticed my accent. I’m already WORLDWIDE.” He ignored my quip and kept talking and talking over me. I mentioned the web dev thing again and that “if I decide that I want to go down that avenue instead or in parallel to the brick and mortar and collectors route I’m already on, I’ll build it myself, but thank you very much for your call and have a nice day.” I pulled the handset away from my head and could hear he was still talking away until my finger pressed the button.

Flattery will get you somewhere, sure, but it won’t get me taking Facebook seriously as an avenue for fine art collectors. In fact, I’ve had three total offers to buy my work through Facebook to date and none materialised. Two were from relatives (I’m not disappointed, we’re cool), and one was from a stranger with a shared hobby. The “reach” of my Facebook page (the one specific to my art) is as useful as a box of damp rats.

So while I was taking the call from my chatty chappy, I wrote down the pertinent details as they materialised early in his script. Halfway through the call I wrote HA HA BULLSHIT on the note paper and put my pencil down. I don’t like Facebook and I don’t like pushy people who talk over me – especially if they’re trying to sell me something – and I assure you that whatever he was telling me was going to have a price tag attached. We just hadn’t got to that part of the script yet.

3 Responses to Ha ha bullshit

  1. OK JEN I’M GOING TO LET YOU FINISH BUT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT FACEBOOK IS A WORLDWIDE PLATFORM AND AS WE ALL KNOW ART COLLECTORS ALL USE FACEBOOK AND FOR THAT REASON I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE CAN GET YOU A PAGE ON FACEBOOK AND THAT I KNOW YOU ARE A FORMER WEB DEAF WHATEVER THAT MIGHT BE AND I WILL GIVE YOU A SPECIAL ONE-TIME SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY RATE BECAUSE I AM SUCH A FAN OF YOUR WORK BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME NO IT’S ABOUT YOUR AUDIENCE ON FACEBOOK AND YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT FACEBOOK IS A WORLDWIDE PLATFORM AND AS WE ALL KNOW ART COLLECTORS ALL USE FACEBOOK AND FOR THAT REASON I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE CAN GET YOU A PAGE ON FACEBOOK AND THAT I KNOW YOU ARE A FORMER WEB DEAF WHATEVER THAT MIGHT BE AND I WILL GIVE YOU A SPECIAL ONE-TIME SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY RATE BECAUSE I AM SUCH A FAN OF YOUR WORK BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME NO IT’S ABOUT YOUR AUDIENCE ON FACEBOOK AND YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT FACEBOOK IS A WORLDWIDE PLATFORM AND AS WE ALL KNOW ART COLLECTORS ALL USE FACEBOOK AND FOR THAT REASON I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE CAN GET YOU A PAGE ON FACEBOOK AND THAT I KNOW YOU ARE A FORMER WEB DEAF WHATEVER THAT MIGHT BE AND I WILL GIVE YOU A SPECIAL ONE-TIME SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY RATE BECAUSE I AM SUCH A FAN OF YOUR WORK BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME NO IT’S ABOUT YOUR AUDIENCE ON FACEBOOK AND YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT FACEBOOK IS A WORLDWIDE PLATFORM AND AS WE ALL KNOW ART COLLECTORS ALL USE FACEBOOK AND FOR THAT REASON I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE CAN GET YOU A PAGE ON FACEBOOK AND THAT I KNOW YOU ARE A FORMER WEB DEAF WHATEVER THAT MIGHT BE AND I WILL GIVE YOU A SPECIAL ONE-TIME SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY RATE BECAUSE I AM SUCH A FAN OF YOUR WORK BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME NO IT’S ABOUT YOUR AUDIENCE ON FACEBOOK AND YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT FACEBOOK IS A WORLDWIDE PLATFORM AND AS WE ALL KNOW ART COLLECTORS ALL USE FACEBOOK AND FOR THAT REASON I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE CAN GET YOU A PAGE ON FACEBOOK AND THAT I KNOW YOU ARE A FORMER WEB DEAF WHATEVER THAT MIGHT BE AND I WILL GIVE YOU A SPECIAL ONE-TIME SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY RATE BECAUSE I AM SUCH A FAN OF YOUR WORK BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME NO IT’S ABOUT YOUR AUDIENCE ON FACEBOOK AND

  2. GOSH I CUT MYSELF OFF PS I AM A WASTE OF TIME.

  3. jEN says:

    Dude. You’re mental. And I’m laughing :)

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