Deary me, it’s been a long time since I felt like writing.
So since we left off, I did not make the cut on the painting competition I mentioned a couple of posts ago, but I’m cool with it. They received over 2200 entries from around the world and only 55 made the show. I’m pleased to have been in the pool and am not disappointed. There is always next year.
Things have been a little hairy here. There’s been stress in the marriage (which has cropped up intermittently for years, mostly around the same issues) and that has kept me focussed very much on things here at home and in my profession, rather than exterior interests such as blogging. I’ve cut right back on Twitter, Facebook, and Flickr. I’ve had a lot to process in my head and heart and I’m not done with that job yet.
In health news, I have become a much happier person since around mid-January. I’ve always battled a little chub and I’ve now managed to kick years of staying the wrong side of what works best for me. I was looking great before I moved to the UK (7+ years ago) but let myself go again. I weighed just shy of 150 pounds (that’s 68 kilograms or 10.7 stone, if you like numbers) in January 2012 and on a 5’3″ petite girl, it is not being unkind to say I was fat. I wear excess weight well, and therein lies the problem; if I don’t look bad, I have little reason to do anything about it. Sure, I get in the dumps about having chub over the top of my jeans or too much jiggle, etc., but I really have to want to lose to make a difference and that means believing in myself, taking control, and fucking doing something about it.
That’s just what I’ve done.
I’m now 123 pounds (55.7 kilograms/8.7 stone) and feel great. I lost this all by watching how much I eat (portions are far more realistic now), only eating when I’m hungry, and putting far more fruit into my day. I stopped drinking so much wine. I also move around a bit (sitting at desks is a really destructive practice), but not anything that would be classified as a ‘programme.’ I walk the dog for half a mile in the evenings, I do a spot of yoga here and there, and I’ve recently (after most of the weightloss had already occurred) started using a rowing machine. According to what I’ve calculated using guidance from livestrong.com, my petite size should only be taking in a little less than 1400 calories per day. Sounds like a diet, but that is my maintenance amount. Yeah, I know. But honestly? It feels fine. Better than fine. GREAT.
I think I’m close to where I feel comfortable now, and I sure as hell feel a lot better in my skin. Old, small clothes from the back of my wardrobe fit again. I am closing in on what I feel will be my healthy weight/shape. This has been such a positive change for me and has given me something to distract me from some of the things I haven’t wanted to think about lately (see above).
My relative silence has been necessary lately, and I know that some of you readers are family and friends and have wondered or worried about me. I’m fine. Things could be better, of course, but unless you’re a toddler surrounded by toys, food, and tickets to the circus that night, I doubt anyone can say that things couldn’t be better at any given time.
So saying all that, I’m listening to some music, found my way to this writing space, and thank you for reading. I’ll ramp up the posts again, but I needed some time. I’ll probably need more again sometime, but I’ll always be back.
Until I’m not.