By the way, her 2nd and 3rd words were Mama and Daddy. For some weird reason, her first word was cracker!

Even at this age, the parents don’t generally care what their kids do. We’ll be at play groups, in an art, music, or play class, or at a playground and most of the parents could care less if their children are hitting, pushing, name calling, whatever. Heaven forbid if *your* child does something wrong to their child though. Then they’ll read the riot act and go off the deep end. We were once at the playground and saw a 3 year old take off his belt and start snapping it to intimidate another child (more details: http://breighton.qseg.org/?p=1272).

Being a parent is bloody hard work and many parents, through choice of lifestyle, don’t have the time or desire to do it. They want the schools to do it or the kids to just figure it out themselves. I know there are far too many families where both parents have to work to make ends meet, and even then barely rise above the poverty level. However, there is a huge number of two parent working families where the reason to work isn’t because they “love it” but because they want the money to live in a McMansion and have the Lexus, etc.

The problem isn’t the kids, it’s the parents. We’ve a generation of parents who by and large “love” their kids, but don’t want to parent them. They want to come home from work and veg. and ignore the kids. I don’t know the solution, but to some degree it has to come from encouraging family values (not to be confused with the US Republican Party and “family values” as an alias for Christianity). Looking around here in Florida, just about everyone values *things* not other people or their family. We’re a consumeristic society. Look at the fall of the USSR and Socialism/Communism. Before that, most of the population didn’t have much, but when I was there a few times the people I met were always friendly and focused on each other – not on whether they have the latest gadget. Post fall, things seem to have radically changed. The consumerism seems to be dragging away much of their friendliness. It’s now that much more about competition.

Anyway, long rant aside… you’re spot on and something needs done. But I tend to believe it’s got to come from changing how the parents and society operate. Less consumerism, more “quality time” with friends/family.

I just won custody back for my oldest daughter last summer. We’ve had her for almost a year now – she just turned 13. I don’t know *what* her father did, but everything you’ve described in here is exactly how she behaves. I have two other children – 4 and 2 – and *they* are more respectful than my oldest. (My 2-year-old’s 2nd and 3rd words were “Thank You” and “Please”- something I have to practically tear out of my oldest’s mouth.)

It’s been a tough year, but we’re working hard to “deprogram” her and teach her some self-esteem and how to be independent and self-sufficient. It’s a lot tougher than I thought it would be.