How do you think the scared tiny squeeshy fish eye felt when it got forked and then popped into his mouth with biiiig teeth glistening at it!? All fish-eye protectors know that it gave its all to desperately hop from tongue to cheek to tonsil trying to avoid those razor-sharp shark teeth (well, let’s face it, it’s only a gooey fish eye so even some cotton wool held the right way will be too sharp for its green tender well-moisturised and slightly slimey skin). Those heartless Neil-owned teeth crushed down on poor little Fish Eye even though it was leaving a fresh snail-slime like trail all over Neil’s mouth – I truly believe it was soiling itself at this stage! And the icing of the cake is that it got relentlessly chewed into a pasty gut turning goo, to be swallowed and squashed down to start the long road to ‘tum tum’ (1.2km to go and there WAS light at the end of the tunnel). Isn’t it obvious by now, fellow fish eaters??

It’s ThE rEvEnGe Of ThE fIsH eYe!
–Rest in peace, my squeeshy friend–

(By the way Neil, hope you feel better real soon and stay away from Fish Eye’s family – which may or may not include the tail, but that’s another story)!

I’d never eat the tail, that’s at the back and gets constantly washed by all the waste and excess from all other parts of the fish. The eyes, however, are always nice and clean.

The surprising bit was discovering they grill sardines complete with their guts intact – which had too strong a flavour for my taste so I avoided (most of) them.

Test results are back today and I’m just hoping the cause is something I can name and dress up in a Santa suit.