Babies. No thanks, I’ll pass…

OK- this is another reason I’m so fond of this guy…
Read this on preggies and babies in the workplace.

I always felt uncomfortable and irritated at the assumption that since I’m female, I must want to:
A) hear all about the names you’ve picked, the decor for the baby’s room, the things you’ve bought in preparation
B) listen about how you ache, cry too much, eat too much, crave strange things, need to: leave early/not come/in-take long lunches because you have appointment xyz, felt it kick, it’s moving so much, it’s really uncomfortable today/yesterday/last week
C) suffer through how you’ve been trying to get pregnant/got pregnant so fast/it isn’t as bad as the last time/they tell you how easy you’re having it
D) endure the tours you give with your new semi-mobile, gurgling meat-lump- thrusting it in every half-willing persons arms, chuckling when it gets pukey, babbling about the sleepless nights and your sore udder-like tits, marvelling like you’ve created the perfect little being
E) put up with questions like: “isn’t he amazing?” “when are you planning on kids?” “want to babysit?” “why don’t you have kids yet?”

I’ll tell you why I don’t have kids. I don’t want them. Not even one. Never have. I’m not interested in having a baby. I think too many people get pressured by society and hype into procreation. How many nagging “grandmas-to-be” even delicately badger daughters into giving their independence up for motherhood? How many welfare mothers have more kids to collect more government money? How many husbands demand a bloodline/last name continuance in flesh? How many poor, disadvantaged, ill, ineffectual, lazy and/or truly incapable (socially being just one area of ineptitude), people procreate recreationally, flippantly, or out of ignorance?

I want no part of the race. I don’t want to give up my life and independence. I find it actually more selfish to give in to societal programming and proposed normalcy than to really face and choose what may be better off for you, your surrounding friends and environment, and likely best for the life you decide not to create. Being childless isn’t anything to be ashamed of or sorry for. Revel in the choice to remain childless. Enjoy your life. It’s yours. If you choose to become a mother… fine. Be the best mother possible. That involves being very attentive, loving, and nurturing. There is no room in a child’s development for your laziness, excuses, poor eating/smoking/drinking/drug habits. There is no excuse for failure. Be a fantastic parent or just don’t be a parent. Period. Do what’s best for you and the potential child. Creating life isn’t a fucking joke and don’t take it for granted.

I am unable to have children. I felt this way long before the option was taken away in a surgeon’s bucket of biological hazards. I had a radical hysterectomy to free me from cancer of the cervix. I have always considered myself fortunate to have lost my reproductive parts and retain my mind and my ability to use it to contribute positively to the planet in all the small ways I can.
And, best of all…

I don’t have to share my action figures or change diapers. That rocks.

smooches~
jEN

6 thoughts on “Babies. No thanks, I’ll pass…”

  1. Oh, amen, a thousand amens, and a million apologies for querying you closely on the baby issue about eight years ago. I hadn’t yet come out of the closet on my own childfreedom at that point. I was young, naive, and enamored with your DNA. Forgive me.

    One of my greatest fears is that I don’t know my own mind, and at some point my biology will betray me by flooding me with baby-craving hormones against my control. I’ve had a vague ida that I could hold off on a tubal until my thirtieth birthday, giving me plenty of time to reassess my certainty. But I actually have an appointment the day after my 28th birthday with a local doctor who tubalizes younger women. We’ll see!

  2. It may also be worth noting that Jordan has known, since our first date five years ago, that being with me meant no children.

    But he hasn’t told his parents that yet. His father and stepmother pulled the “you’ll see when you have kids” card a couple of months ago, and I was too flabbergasted to enlighten them.

    And his mother is an Orthodox Jew. Yeah, we’ll have fun informing them that OMG the Cohen line is about to die off the planet because Maddie won’t breed WTF there’ll never be another Cohen ever ever ever!!!11oneone

  3. Yeah- my ex-mom-in-law had more sadness (fortunately not obviously voiced) over the lack of grandchild from Aaron and myself. My mom always respected the choice for me to remain childless and unselfishly would’ve been a great grandma if I’d needed her to be. She never wanted more than me and was glad I turned out all right (for the most part 😉 ). I always had the terrible and un-PC idea that I’d love to adopt a little Japanese girl because they’re the most adorable children, but unfortunately, they turn into teens. So, really, I only wanted to ever be a part-time mom and not go through the hideous, leechy-alien-growth-in-my-tum-stage… i.e. pregnancy. And damn, I think breast-feeding is creepy… just do. I can’t explain it, but I do.

    smooches~
    jEN

  4. a quote from my last paragraph:
    “I felt this way long before the option was taken away in a surgeon‚Äö?Ñ?¥s bucket of biological hazards.”

    I never wanted kids- ever. I protest out of a long embedded feeling- not a bitter backlash to the relatively recent inability to procreate. (Cancer free three years next month…)

    smooches~
    jEN

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